i just had sex bonerless
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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