All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
