Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
