I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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