You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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