There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
