So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
