apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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