but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize