I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
