I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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