U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's never too late to be topless.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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