just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
