I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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