I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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