chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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