She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize