If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
where am i from again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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