Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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