Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy sore nipples Batman
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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