pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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