that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
