I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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