So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize