Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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