Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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