I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
