I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
