Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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