There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
