38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
