so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
