well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
