So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
