I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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