hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
