my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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