i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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