Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
