...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
