Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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