Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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