We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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