Even the bartender felt bad for me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
