did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
