dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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