That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
