I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
