$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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