Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
