It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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