Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
