based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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