4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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