I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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