Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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