spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
