You smell like stripper and shame
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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