Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
