You can't motorboat a personality
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
