Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sober January is a disaster.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
