I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
