So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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