what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
