He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
