OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
