apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
