weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
