FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
