So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize