I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
