drinking out of a sandbucket again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize