see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
